Sam Paano - The Early Years

This coming September I will turn 49 years old - the pre-cursor to a new phase in life most commonly called "The Big Five-O!"

Although no one has yet labeled me as "Old Man", some have considered me a wise owl because of all the knowledge I've gained over the years... or was it smart ass... well, that's not important right now. What is important is that I've gained a lot of different experiences throughout the 49 years that I've been into existence. I'll document all of these experiences here while I can still recall each and every one of them just as they happened; starting with my younger years.

Perhaps its best to start with the most daring experience I've ever had, just to get it out of the way... This experience happened when I was about six months old and I jupmed in, head first, because I wanted to take advantage of my youthful look and spirit. I got my first modeling experience when I had been asked to pose for one of the most popular magazine, at the time, that catered to young girls. You might have heard of the magazine; it was called "Play Pen Girl". This was my centerfold pose on the first issue that sold out within the first hour of its distribution. I heard on the news that there were stampedes of expectant mothers clammering all over magazine stands just to get a copy. I could just imagine the scene like a bunch of weebles wobbling against each other's bellies without falling down...

The magazine, at the time, was forcing me to do a full frontal nudity but I insisted that for the amount of money they were paying me, the best that I could do is to go topless. I guess we all know who won that arguement!

Well, from there, I went on as a spokesperson for Vicks Vapor Rub since we stocked a number of jars in the house. My mom used it from relieving colds and the flu, curing headaches, easing upset stomaches, remedying itches and insect bites, and good old fashioned replacement to cough drops. Of course, this was before she found out about the many uses of WD-40.

It sounds crazy, huh?... the rub also worked great as a chick repellent; especially with the women papparazzi that kept following me around. I had more female papparazzi than male... Swarming all on top of me just to get a photo op of me for free... They even had their own language like "Woogily woogily wooo..." or "Gaga goo-goo..." I mean, who knows what exactly they were saying; to me it could've been all pig latin for all I cared!

Here's me on a Vicks Vapor Rub commercial - I was like Flo of Progressive Insurance, except I was small, male, and downright cute! Okay, I was nothing like Flo! Although Flo is cute, I was even cuter! There, I said it! Now - LEAVE IT!

After that, word spread around about my photogenic image and was approached by the television studios to do a comedy series. The storyline was about the goofy adventures of four band members and their crazy antics. I would star with three other toddlers by the name of Crosby, Still and Nash. I though, "Hey, I'm Young... I can do this!" I'm glad I did because it was a lot of fun; although I think the other three started getting jealous of my popularity with the ladies. It wasn't long before I went solo and they started going on tour by themselves (although, we were all accompanied by baby-sitters for stroller and other duties -"he he, I said duties...") Sad, though because we could've been more popular than John Lennon and the Beatles.